How Can You Tell When Someone's Bluffing?

For one, when they actually say, "Don't Call My Bluff!"

Apparently Mr. Obama got a little pissy at House Majority Leader Eric Cantor as debt ceiling negotiations broke down on Wednesday, told him to "Don't call my bluff" and left the meeting in a huff, apparently in a hurry to catch a tee-time at Andrews Air Force Base, or something.

A little tip for the smartest person on the planet: If you're bluffing, you're probably better off not saying anything that indicates that YOU'RE ACTUALLY BLUFFING. Try a few of these more manly phrases on for size:

• "Don't piss down my back and tell me its raining." Except of course that you couldn't tell the difference between piss running down your back and a downpour from a tropical storm caused by global warming.
  


• "You mess with the bull, and you'll get the horns." If by "horns" you mean another blathering speech filled with empty platitudes.
  


• "I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SH*T DOWN YOUR NECK." Ooops, that would be Michelle expressing her dissatisfaction on your performance at the end of your last "date night."
  

Hopefully this little bit of advice helps you next time you're negotiating with a busted flush. You're welcome.

Obama DOJ Violates 5th Amendment

The Obama "Justice" Department is attempting to compel a woman in Colorado Springs to decrypt the contents of her personal computer.

The Obama administration has asked a federal judge to order the defendant, Ramona Fricosu, to decrypt an encrypted laptop that police found in her bedroom during a raid of her home.

According to the DOJ:

Public interests will be harmed absent requiring defendants to make available unencrypted contents in circumstances like these. Failing to compel Ms. Fricosu amounts to a concession to her and potential criminals (be it in child exploitation, national security, terrorism, financial crimes or drug trafficking cases) that encrypting all inculpatory digital evidence will serve to defeat the efforts of law enforcement officers to obtain such evidence through judicially authorized search warrants, and thus make their prosecution impossible.

I guess violating the 5th Amendment rights (forcing them to provide testimony that might prove their own guilt) of someone accused of a crime is OK as long as it makes the prosecutors' jobs easier. If what is on that laptop is so important, why not send it along to NSA for analysis?
Fortunately the Electronic Frontier Foundation is weighing in on this subject.

BBQ Chicken Pizza

I may never call Domino's again! Except for making the dough, this is not very time consuming, but it IS inexpensive and tasty as HELL. Pair it with a nice salad and a bottle of wine and you will have a terrific light meal for two. Makes 2 10 inch personal pizzas.

Ingredients

For The Topping:

• 1 - 1.5 Chicken Breasts
• 3/4 - 1 Cup Shredded Gouda Cheese
• 3/4 cup thinly sliced Sweet Red Onion

For the Crust: (Allow approx 4 hours for rising, intermittent kneading and shaping)
3/4 cup warm water
1/4 tsp dry yeast
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp olive oil

Directions:

Lightly coat the chicken breast in the Memphis style dry rub (see here) , seal in a Ziploc bag and allow to marinate for 4-6 hours, turning occasionally.

Prepare Your Crust. Make sure you start early enough for rising (approx 4 hours)!

• Mix water and yeast in a medium bowl and let stand 15 minutes.
• Gradually pour in 1 cup of the flour and stir to incorporate. Mix for about 1 minute to form a sponge. Let stand at room temp, covered, about 45 minutes.
  
• While you are waiting, go ahead and make your BBQ sauce (see here for recipe and instructions).
• Put the sponge in the bowl of a standing mixer. Using the dough hook, mix in the salt and oil, and add the remainder of the flour 1/2 cup at a time, mixing to form a soft dough.
• Once a ball is formed, turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until it is satiny, with a little flour to keep it from sticking, about 5 minutes.
• Put the dough into an oiled bowl, cover, and let rise 2 - 2.5 hours.
• Punch down the dough and divide into 2 balls. Place on a sheet pan, cover and let rise until doubled, about 30-45 minutes
• Roll out, pat or stretch the dough into roughly shaped 10-12 in circles or rectangles. They don't have to look perfect -- as a matter of fact, little pockets and crevices becoming hiding places for FLAVOR!

Prepare The Chicken

• Preheat your grill to medium-high. Grill your chicken breasts over indirect medium high heat, until the juices run clear, usually 4-5 minutes per side. Set aside to cool enough to handle.
• Chop the chicken into approx 1.2 - 1 inch cubes and put in a mixing bowl. Add the sliced red onion to the bowl.
  
• Spoon in enough of your BBQ sauce to liberally coat the chicken and onion; set aside while you start grilling the crust.
  

Grill the Pizza!

• Heat your grill to medium high heat.
• Prepare the grill by seasoning the cleaned grill with canola oil. Don't bother with anything expensive, the point here is lubrication, not flavor. Make sure you rub the oil from back to front so you don't get scorched by any flareups when oil hits the flames.
  
• Grill the crust over indirect medium heat with the grill cover/hood down for 5-8 minutes, until it starts to firm up a bit. Monitor the bottom of the crust to make sure it doesn't scorch.
• Once the dough has started to bake, brush it with some of the BBQ sauce. Spread your chicken/onion/sauce mixture on top of the crust, close the grill hood, and let cook for 3-4 minutes.
  
• When the crust appears to have finished baking, sprinkle the tops of the pizzas with the shredded Gouda cheese and close the hood for 3-5 minutes or until the cheese has melted.
  
• Pull the pizza off the grill and put on a cutting board. Let rest for a few minutes; the crust will continue to bake a little bit on its own.
  

Cut the pizza into quarters and serve. Goes great with a spanish Tempranillo red wine.

Cheers!

BBQ Chicken Pizza, Part Deux: Let's Get Saucy!

OK, this is the wet sauce to use for the pizza. You're gonna make much more than you'll need for the recipe, but it's all good -- this stuff can last several weeks in the fridge. I made this as a variant of the Crazy Cola Barbeque Sauce From Weber's Big Book of Grilling, and modified it to work with the spices of my dry rub. The end result is sweet, spicy, tangy, and if I had to put it in a single word -- SASSY.

Special thanks to my sis-in-law Missi, without whom I wouldn't have done this. She came to visit and wanted BBQ chicken grilled with a wet sauce, so I had to research and invent a little to come up with a winner. The requests of our loved ones drive us to greater heights. Mahalo, Missi!

• 2 Cups Coca-Cola
• 1 Cup tomato ketchup
• 1/4 Worcestershire Sauce
• 1/4 Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey (if you live in France, this is a fine French liqueur, pronounced Jacque Danielle)
• 3 Tablespoons Cider Vinegar
• 4-5 Tablespoons Minced Onion
• 1/4 Tablespoon Cayenne Pepper
• 2-3 Shots of Tabasco Sauce
• 1/2 Teaspoon Sea Salt
• 1/2 Teaspoon Black Pepper
• 1 shot of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey; set aside.

Wisk all ingredients (except for the single shot of Jack Daniels) into a 1 or 2 quart saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and allow to cook down for 25-30 minutes.

If you are working on other components of the pizza at the same time, this is a great moment to bond with your creation. How does one bond with a BBQ sauce? That's what the shot of Jack you set aside is for.

After the sauce starts to thicken, remove from heat and allow to cool.

BBQ Chicken Pizza, Part I: The Rub

You will only need one chicken breast for this recipe, but feel free to marinate the remainder of the pack in the same stuff. This rub stands alone for great flavor when you're just grilling some chicken, but it makes for a sensational base for the wet sauce I make a little later.

• 1/4 c Paprika
• 1 tbsp Dark Brown Sugar
• 1 tbsp granulated sugar
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp celery salt
• 1 tsp fresh ground black pepper
• 1-3 tsp Cayenne Pepper, to taste. Dare greatly. Go for 3!
• 1 tsp dry mustard
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder

Wash, then dry off the chicken breast (s). Sprinkle some of the rub (you won't need it all) over both sides of the chicken, then rub it in. Throw the breasts into a ziploc bag, force out the excess air, seal, and refrigerate. Let marinade for 4-6 hours, turning the bag occasionally.

This is a fabulous rub! I make double batches and keep a baggie in the kitchen for whenever I want to give a quick pick-me-up to grilled chicken.

Watchin' The Wave...

Its gonna be a fun night to watch election returns.

A couple early items of note:

• Dan Coats takes the Senate seat in IN. That's +1 for Republicans
• Rand Paul takes the open Seat in KY. Completely expected.

Off to walk the pups and get a quick workout, then settle in with a lovely adult beverage and let the cheering begin!

6:45 Mountain: The worlds biggest asshat, Alan Grayson, has been beaten by Daniel Webster in FL. Now I can simply call him Mr. Asshat instead of Congressman Asshat. Life is good.

6:49 Mountain: I notice that CNN likes to announce Democratic wins a "Big" Wins, and any gains by Republicans as "wins". Most trusted name in news, my ass.

7:04 Mountain: OK, polls closed in Colorado. My colleague was 90 minutes late to work today due to lines at the polls this morning; usually when El Paso County turns out big, that means good news for Republicans. Fingers crossed....

7:16 Mountain: CNN projects Republicans will take control of the House. Speaker Boehner: "Thanks Nancy, for the gavel. Now go sit down and STFU"

7:31 Mountain: Listening to Sen-elect Marco Rubio giving voice to the humility he knows this election is all about. Good luck to you Senator and don't lose the feeling you have right now.

7:54 Mountain: Nothing significant to report. Have I accurately expressed how much of an asshat Alan Grayson is?

8:00 Mountain: CNN projects McCain, Blunt, Vitter, and Grassley will all win their elections. Blunt is a pickup, but congratulations to John McCain. He's a RINO but I love him anyway. Heroes deserve our respect. Six more years, Senator, then please retire after a lifetime of service. You've done enough.

8:11 Mountain: Jim DeMint is asked directly if he's thinking about running for Prez in 2012. His response: "No, I'm not." Gotta love a direct answer.

8:55 Mountain: Russ Feingold falls to a Tea Party candidate from Wisconsin. I would never vote for Feingold, but I can respect him as a principled person. C'est la guerre, or should I say C'est la politique.

9:03 PM: CNN is now talking about Nikki Haley as the first "Indian-American female governor"as opposed to Bobby Jindahl as the first "Indian-American governor" -- you ever wonder why liberals are so obsessive about identity politics?

Never Forget

I kneel in mourning for those murdered 9 years ago today, and stand in salute to the many heroes who saved countless others, and in doing so, gave their own lives.

September 11, 2001 was a unique day for me. My Air Force unit had just started our every 18 months Operational Readiness Inspection and exercise, and I was pulling the early day shift in our missile warning center battlestaff.

I left the battlestaff area for a few minutes to attend to some exercise related business, when one of the civilian contractors I worked with came running into my office. "Captain, I think you better get back in there; CNN just reported that a plane just flew into the World Trade Center." In true Air Force fashion, my question, as I got my ass in gear, was "Is this exercise, or real-world?" At that moment, very few of us understood how our world was changing.

Entry into the battlestaff didn't seem to be too dramatic; everyone was going about their business but increasingly our attention was drawn to the TV where we had CNN running 24 hours per day. In the meantime, we continued with our exercise, responding to inputs from the Air Force Space Command inspectors as the worldwide readiness exercise continued.

Responding to exercise incidents such as simulated "bomb threats" on the base while watching the second plane fly into the WTC was like being on another planet, until someone asked the obvious question to our Commander: "Uh, sir, shouldn't somebody suspend the exercise until we know what the hell is going on?" Our boss, being exceptionally good at taking advice from his subordinates, got on the Red Phone and sent the question up the chain to our Group and Wing Commanders. Finally, the answer came back down: "Suspend all exercise activities, retain battlestaff in place for further instructions." Then the words that every Commander wants to say when there's an Inspector General rep around: "Major, get out of my war room." A moment of levity while tragedy unfolded on the screen in front of us, and a very quiet Air Force Space Command Major left the battlestaff.

Finally the word came down from on high: "Exercise cancelled. Threatcon DELTA has been declared." Suddenly I'm in a room full of fellow Air Force Captains and Majors are all "assholes and elbows," on the horn, locking down the secure areas, sealing blast doors, and dispersing the squadron, all while keeping watch over our strategic mission, the events in New York and D.C., and trying to keep ourselves personally focused on the task at hand. Once finished, with the immediate tasks, we all settled in for a long day of watching the rest unfold -- United Flight 93 going down in Shanksville, the collapse of the towers, the confusion and emotion of New Yorkers as they ran in fear for their lives.

Finally, after a long 16 hour day, I made the short drive home, which was possibly the most surreal experience of the day. Heading out the base gate, there were no cars on the normally busy road home. None. Completely vacant--like rapture had happened and I was the only one left. Until I turned into my neighborhood, and on the empty streets, as far as I could see, every home was flying Old Glory, showing their love for their country, and unity with the victims and heroes of that day.

And that's my 9/11 story. God Bless America, and God bless the victims and heroes of September 11th.