How Can You Tell When Someone's Bluffing?

For one, when they actually say, "Don't Call My Bluff!"

Apparently Mr. Obama got a little pissy at House Majority Leader Eric Cantor as debt ceiling negotiations broke down on Wednesday, told him to "Don't call my bluff" and left the meeting in a huff, apparently in a hurry to catch a tee-time at Andrews Air Force Base, or something.

A little tip for the smartest person on the planet: If you're bluffing, you're probably better off not saying anything that indicates that YOU'RE ACTUALLY BLUFFING. Try a few of these more manly phrases on for size:

• "Don't piss down my back and tell me its raining." Except of course that you couldn't tell the difference between piss running down your back and a downpour from a tropical storm caused by global warming.
  


• "You mess with the bull, and you'll get the horns." If by "horns" you mean another blathering speech filled with empty platitudes.
  


• "I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SH*T DOWN YOUR NECK." Ooops, that would be Michelle expressing her dissatisfaction on your performance at the end of your last "date night."
  

Hopefully this little bit of advice helps you next time you're negotiating with a busted flush. You're welcome.